4 questions about the new bathroom bill

It’s time to investigate the latest issue in this country that has people up in arms, causing arguments about the nature of identity, judgment, and fear.

For this, we will have to journey to the Carolinas, although hey, it’s North Carolina this time. Good job finally seizing that mantle from your southern cousin!

It’s time to get to the bottom of the Bathroom Bill. Continue reading

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The most dangerous game

I want to play a game. It’s a scavenger hunt.

First, I want you to find me something to do with paper. But it has to be something special to me. To us. And I can’t already have it.

Next, I want you to find me something to do with cotton. Once again, it has to be meaningful. I’ll give you a whole year to find it.

We will do this every year, each year with a bizarre new requirement. Continue reading

The saddest commercial on TV

Traditional TV commercials are largely being forgotten. With DVRs and Netflix providing easy ways to avoid them, mostly commercials are seen during live sporting events and for five seconds before you press “SKIP AD” on YouTube.

As a result, you might have missed a State Farm ad that’s been on for a while. If so, you’ve missed the saddest commercial on TV.

No, it’s not the puppy-monkey-baby monstrosity. While you can argue that’s sadder because it shows the depths of human depravity, it’s a different kind of sad. I’m talking about the “Never” commercial, seen here: Continue reading

Previewing the 2016 Major League Baseball season: National League

Yesterday we predicted the American League and how every team there would fare over the course of the 2016 Major League Baseball season.

Today we conclude by previewing the National League.

For details on our scientific model and complex algorithm used to generate each team’s Power Points, see yesterday’s article. For now, on with the predictions! Continue reading

Previewing the 2016 Major League Baseball season: American League

With the 2016 MLB season starting soon, it’s time to prepare for what we’ll all witness: some baseball games.

But who will finish first? Who will finish first, but in a different division? That’s what SCS is here for.

We asked our ace Soft Core Sophistry baseball expert to come up with what you should expect from every team this season and rank them according to expected finish. Turns out he’s on vacation.

So we listed the teams in order based on an algorithm we just dreamed up that we feel should perfectly encapsulate the quality of each team.[1] Below are the results. Continue reading

Four resolutions for the year

Loyal readers will recall that back in January, we told you about how making New Year’s Resolutions was destined to fail due to circumstances beyond your control. The whole system is rigged against you.

In that article, we told you to come back in April and we would make new resolutions that we’d have a better chance of keeping. So put down that tub of butter, because it’s April, and it’s time to make resolutions!

For others. We’re going to make resolutions for others. We’re already perfect.

Let’s see what it’s time for the world to change. Continue reading