The bullfighting baby the world deserves, but not the one it needs right now

Because the world loves jokes at my expense, we are continuing with our stories involving bulls.

Because the world is a dark and unpredictable place, this time the story involves a baby.

Yes, it’s time to talk about the bullfighter who took his baby with him into the ring while putting a large, dangerous animal through its paces.

Because the world is a fascinating, ego-driven place, we know about this due to the bullfighter posting a picture of it on his Instagram account.



That’s Francisco Rivera Ordóñez with his five-month-old daughter, Carmen. After posting the picture, outrage quickly spread.

While many expressed disbelief that he would take his infant into the ring, many others used the opportunity to condemn bullfighting. This turned it into a whole thing, and other bullfighters were quick to jump to Ordóñez’s defense. There were even some claims that he was a hero.

And he’s definitely a hero! Look at the way he’s saving that baby from being trampled by the bull! It’s safe to ignore that he put the child in harm’s way, so that you may properly feel that he’s a hero.

Ordóñez says he was brought into the ring by his father (another bullfighter), and he did the same thing with his other daughter when she was younger. He further claimed “There is no safer place for her.” And that’s true! Especially when you add back in the missing words so it reads “There is no safer place in the ring for her.”

Now, some people may argue that his claim doesn’t withstand scrutiny when viewed through the lens of history, pointing out that his father died from a goring sustained from a bull in 1984, and Ordóñez himself had to undergo life-saving surgery after being gored by a bull in the stomach just last year. Those people need to stop dwelling on the past! He’s fine now. That’s all that matters.

What we need to remember is that Ordóñez is doing a public good. Carmen may be exactly what this world needs after last week’s news of the bull semen theft, which is likely leading to the creation of a new supervillain, who I am experimentally calling Freezus Bulba.


Taurus Bulba + Mr. Freeze

A child raised practically since birth to fight bulls. A child with the fiery Spanish passion needed to combat the cold. The single-minded dedication needed to stop Freezus Bulba is being developed in this infant. We cannot fight against it. We need to encourage it.

A hero rises. We need only wait.

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