Here there be dragons

For some, when they figure out who they want to lead their country, they ask themselves which candidate seems more like a regular guy or gal, someone they could see themselves comfortably have a drink with.

Smarter people take the question further, and ask what one New Zealander asked of his prime minister: are you a regular guy, or a shape-shifting reptile bent on driving humanity toward enslavement?

Prime Minister John Key responded, saying he went to both a doctor and a veterinarian to make sure, and the answer came back that he was not.

Now it’s Obama’s turn.

As I’m sure we all remember, Obama struggled to produce his long-form birth certificate to satisfy Republicans accusing him of not being an American citizen. The idea that he was Kenyan was ridiculous–he runs for office, not in marathons–but that doesn’t mean they weren’t on to something bigger.

According to influential crackpot David Icke, many world leaders are part of a plot driven by shape-shifting reptilian aliens trying to enslave humanity. That’s what prompted Shane Warbrooke put in his request through the country’s Official Information Act.

Now New Zealand has some idea that their prime minister is not one of these monsters, but in the United States, we do not.

Warbrooke’s request wasn’t perfect, however. For one thing, Key could still be under the control of lizard people while being very much a human. Or he could have just lied–he didn’t actually provide any medical records, and the “doctor” and “vet” who examined him could well be in on the whole thing. And while his further proof–his claims that his tongue is not unusually long (ladies) and that he’s never been on a spaceship–are encouraging, they are by no means real evidence.

Obama’s administration has already faced a similar uproar, but handled it poorly. Last year, a suspicious looking security guard was spotted at a function.

aliensecurityWhen video of this obvious alien menace surfaced, the National Security Council was questioned by Wired’s Danger Room and refused to deny the allegations, using budgetary concerns as their only defense.

“I can’t confirm the claims made in this video, but any alleged program to guard the president with aliens or robots would likely have to be scaled back or eliminated in the sequester,” Caitlin Hayden, the chief spokeswoman for the National Security Council, e-mails Danger Room. “I’d refer you to the Secret Service or Area 51 for more details.”

Every so-called “journalist” stopped there and did not investigate further, despite a complete lack of a denial and no evidence that aliens weren’t controlling our nation’s highest powers.

We can do better. We must do better.

So, my fellow soft-core sophists, join me in calling for Obama to provide evidence that he is not a part of this conspiracy. We will not be swayed by a birth certificate this time. Give us a recorded medical exam! Give us brain scans (to show his brain is human AND doesn’t have any controlling implants)! Give us communication records (phone logs, guest lists, anyone he might have talked to) to make sure the lizard people aren’t pulling his strings!

This is demanded! By us, here at this little blog! Failure to comply is an admission that you are one of them!

Thus, good readers, be prepared for open revolt. This might be the first step to overthrowing these dastardly reptilian aliens for good. We can save humanity!

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