Learning Your Place

A recent study shows another way that attractive Americans receive extra attention and benefits: from their teachers. Attractive students are perceived to be more intelligent, and they actually earn higher grades and are more likely to graduate college. The extra attention helps them learn, and they may get increased scores where grades are more subjective.

Maybe that was Sloth's problem. Not enough teacher attention.

Maybe that was Sloth’s problem. Not enough teacher attention.

This is disheartening for a lot of people. Those people are obviously ugly.

I’m sorry. That’s not necessarily true. They might just be the parents of ugly kids.

The fact is, school is supposed to prepare its students for life in society. And in society, attractive people have more advantages. The highest levels of political office are traditionally held by tall, attractive people. The good looking are frequently treated better, given more of the benefit of the doubt for their mistakes, and are generally perceived as better. Why shouldn’t teachers get their students ready for this inevitability?

Of course, this is all based on the unproven idea that attractive people get these benefits without merit. It’s entirely possible–probable, even–that attractive people really just are smarter and better than everyone else. A combination of good genes and hard work are responsible for their looks, and those same factors are necessary for better grades along with a whole host of other positive attributes.

And thanks to the transitive property, we can assume that best grades are earned by the most attractive people. I can personally attest to that, as the valedictorian of my high school class who went on to graduate summa cum laude from college. So yes, attractive people are smarter, and smarter people are more attractive. That’s just sweet, sciencey math.

Speaking of sweet sciencey math, here's a picture of a young Stephen Hawking.

Speaking of sweet sciencey math, here’s a picture of a young Stephen Hawking.

And who are you going to believe anyway? Handsome and beautiful people, eyes twinkling in the light, giving you a smile that doesn’t just light up the room, but lights up your life? Or jealous, troll-like half-man half-monsters who want to tear down their superiors with lies and slander?

The good news for you is that you probably don’t have to do anything differently. If you’re like most Americans, you already treat the good looking among you better than the uggos. If you don’t, you might want to turn it around. This is the better class you are treating so callously, the ones who will be running the country and companies responsible for your well being. Don’t get on our bad side.

Just kidding! We’re beautiful. We don’t have a bad side.

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