How to Meet People

A few months ago, my fiancée and I moved to Denver, leaving behind our friends and family and reducing our social circle to nearly nothing. On top of that, I’ve been working from home, so I can’t even put up with coworkers and have us all pretend that we’re friends.

Because of this, I’ve spent a lot of time considering the best ways to meet new people. I’ve shared my thoughts below, but let me know some of your techniques in the comments.

1. Follow someone on their bike. You don’t want to waste your time with boring homebodies. You want to meet people who are out and about, doing fun things, and who are physically fit (better looking people are better people, as everyone knows). Someone who is biking knows the area, gets out of the house instead of just sitting around watching TV, and gets plenty of exercise. They’re perfectly suited to be friends with. Of course, you don’t want to interrupt their ride. So follow them in your car (of course in your car; I don’t advocate actually riding a bike yourself, since it’s boring and difficult and so much easier to drive). You’ll have to go slow, but keep pretty close so you don’t lose them. When they get to their destination, get out and approach them with a friendly smile. Don’t say anything at first–they’ll be out of breath. Just stand there patiently. They’ll say something eventually.

2. Trust in nurture AND nature. Let’s be honest, you could meet a lot of people without finding anyone worth hanging out with. A lot of the time, you won’t realize it until you’ve spent a lot of time with that person. The problem is that people tend to put on their best face when meeting new people, so you have to know them for a while before you realize how dreadful they really are. Kids aren’t like this though. They are open and direct, so you get a sense of their values immediately. Hang out where kids gather, such as at schools, fairs, or public swimming pools. Since their parents raise them, they will have their values, so you get a good sense of what kind of people the parents are. Plus, genetics mean that, in general, attractive people have attractive kids, so pick out the good-looking ones. Then just follow them home and tell the parents how much you like their kid and want to get to know them better. Parents love compliments of their children.

3. Find people with similar interests. One problem with meeting new people is finding things to talk about. Finding people who like the same thing you do makes it easier and means you already have something in common, increasing the chances you’ll get along. But if you go to a group event focused on that interest, you’re no different than anyone else there. If you try to start a conversation based on that interest, you’re not original and you’re just talking about what’s going on. Instead, you have to find people who like that interest outside of that specialized context. For instance, if you like guns, run up to people in various locations and show them your favorite firearm. They might even show you theirs!

4. Just kidnap someone. Keep them until Stockholm Syndrome sets in. The only downside to this one is that you’ll become friends with mentally unbalanced people.

2 thoughts on “How to Meet People

Improve this nonsense by leaving a comment of your own

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s